My Story
I have not always been this way, I was once somewhat normal if there is such a thing. I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder, more commonly known as OCD.
These took control and changed my life in 1996 after the passing of my firstborn son due to a sudden illness when he was just six months old. Believe me when I say sudden, he got sick and was then gone all in three days. When nobody would explain to me how a innocent healthy baby could get so sick so quickly, the mentality of germs are everywhere set into my brain which caused me to become a severe germaphobe. This would become the start of my obsessive compulsiveness beginning with the constant hand washing and it just got worse from there.
Because of the shock of losing my son so quickly comes the post traumatic stress disorder. I didn’t deal well with the passing of my son. I still do not think I have really allowed myself to grieve properly and I do not remember much from that day and some of the years after which was explained to me that my brain does that to protect me from the shock of it all.
Throughout the years that followed I have become a mother again to two more wonderful boys that are truly a blessing in my life. They are my saviors because if it were not for them I would probably be a lot worse off than I am.
In 2011 I was knocked down again… only this time it was me. I woke up one day with no prior warning and was in severe pain. I thought possibly I had hurt myself but it was getting worse, not better. I went to the doctor in agony, and of course he gave me something for the pain but that was not working. I was in so much pain I could not walk for four months and all I could do was cry and moan, I was a monster, well at least I looked like one. Finally after four months, I seen a specialist that saved me. She took one look at me and knew what it took the others four months to try to figure out. Turned out I have a very rare vitamin deficiency and my body had literally NO B12, no iron, no folic acid, no potassium, and none of the other vitamins and minerals your body needs to function properly. She knew right away… B12! she said.
What a difference a week made!! She had me come to the hospital for a B12 shot everyday for seven days, then once a week for about six weeks, and then once monthly. I can walk now but I have a cane and leg braces for both legs. I am still in a lot of pain because the vitamin deficiency has caused me to have a condition called Peripheral Neuropathy, it attacks your nerve endings. I will now have to go for a B12 shot monthly for the remainder of my life. I have also been diagnosed with a heart problem which is called Supraventricular Tachycardia or more known as SVT, Degenerative Osteo Arthritis that is in both of my knees, and Fibromyalgia.
My body has declared war on me, and now controls my life. I never know when I am going to have a good day or a bad day, and let me tell you there are more bad days than good. Some days the pain is so intense I cannot get out of bed. Oh and plans? Forget plans… for the same reason, I never know what kind of day I am going to have until I go through it.
When you are in extreme pain and cannot get out of bed, believe me when I say that you have plenty of time to lie there and think, and think is what I do and a lot of it. You always hear someone saying think outside of the box, well my thoughts are way out of the box, maybe so far out there they could be outside of five boxes!
A friend once said to me that I should start blogging about my thoughts for the day because I always have some way out there thoughts and ideas and that she thought it would be interesting to read what goes on inside my head sometimes. Well, ask and you shall receive! Or the old saying… build it and they will come. Well here it is, I have built it.
I always laugh and say that I may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but I am definitely one of a kind. Brace yourselves, this should be interesting.
