Sorry, But Yeah Really Not Sorry...
I have said it before and well, I am here to say it again. I am so sick and tired of people that judge other people or form opinions of people. Many pass assumptions and many make judgement by comparison to people who may have hurt them somewhere down the line and it is wrong!
Most of you know me by now and know it isn't a secret, I do not hide my disability. I feel I have nothing to hide and I damn sure didn't ask to be sick. That is another thing that really lights my fuse, people treat you horribly and act like it is your own fault that you are sick.
Anyhow, what I was starting to say is that I am open and honest with everyone, I do not deceive or mislead people in anyway. I will admit I am very guarded, and I am valid in my reasons why. People approach me, talk to me for hours daily for a lengthy period of time while we go to battle. They want to meet me, or they want to take me out and I always fight with I am not ready yet, or I am not comfortable. I express my reasons why and at the time I am assured time and time again that I am just overreacting, that it really is not that big of a deal, and it will be fine. Once in a while when I try to trust in people and I do decide to give in, well shame on me for caving.
It is always the same, the person shows up all excited to see me... until I walk out my front door. Apparently I was right all along because once they see me then the entire atmosphere shifts. I see the little looks out of the corner of my eye, I feel the distance growing between us that was never there before, and then the conversation becomes the total opposite of what it had been before. By the end of the evening there is always the, "I am sorry, I just am not really ready to date right now." No, the problem is that I was right and you just do not want to date me. How can you tell someone you do not think you are ready to date right now while you are on a date? Afterwards of course, I get dropped off at home to never hear from them ever again. It is not rocket science and I am no dummy. But needless to say, I always come home defeated with my feelings hurt and hating myself for going when I knew I shouldn't have gone in the first place, which I guess makes me partially at fault.
Yes I may be disabled and yes my legs may be weak, but that does not mean that my heart is weak. It does not mean that I am unable to be loyal, faithful, devoted and love whole heartedly with all that I am. Being disabled does not make me weak, it does not make me an easy target, and it definitely does not make it ok for people to think I have no feelings and that my situation means I have to put up with being treated badly.
I may have a disability, an impairment however that in no way makes you better than me. You are not perfect, and just because you personally are not disabled doesn't mean you still don't have that one or even many flaws that make you imperfect as well. But when you sit and pass judgement onto someone that you do not even know, or even take the time to get to know then those are issues you need to work on within yourself... and yes they are issues.
I know who I am, I know what I am, I know how rare I am and I definitely know how hard I can love someone that is deserving of my heart and that love. For someone to not be able to really see past an imperfection to see the real me, and for someone to not even put forth any effort to even try to get to know me, it really breaks my heart for them. They really are missing out on one of the most truly rare and genuine people they will ever meet in this lifetime and I feel sad for them.
You cannot stop looking down on me long enough to see what is inside of me then that truly is a tremendous loss for you! I would like to say that for you I feel sorry, yeah but really not sorry!
